Citius, Altius, Fortius, Poopius: "Faster, Higher, Stronger, Exhausted"

Well, hello, mes amis! Long time no see!!!
I have been a bad Blog-Parent and have neglected Blog-baby for too long. What can I say...life, health, busy stuff....you know the score.
Anywhoozle, I'm in the middle of the school summer hols, the sun is shining (today, anyway), and we're doing something a little out of character, chez nous.

We're watching sport.

Do you have any idea how rare that is for us? You have to practically drag us kicking and screaming and tie us to chairs to make us watch football (with the obligatory exception of the World Cup- when we may actually deliberately look to see who won). Right now, of course, the Olympic Games are in full swing. There's something about the Olympics that grips even the unsporty among us. Something about the dedication and hope of athletes; the work and training; the 'Eyes on the Prize' determination, really touches that 'Be- The- Best- You -Can -Be' spirit within.

The idealism of it all is very stirring.

Not quite so stirring when you hear about the scandals of failed drugs tests, the arguments, the threats of banning, the condemnation of an entire government for their alleged endorsement of cheating, the criticism of money being spent on the trappings of hosting the event and so on. Those aspects leave a rather nasty taste in something that should be pure; the pinnacle of everything sportsmanship stands for. Kind of ruins it all.

Doesn't it?

Many people would disagree. Yes, there are some seedy aspects to some sporting events- and the Olympics is HUGE, so it isn't really a shock that the stakes are higher and the seediness, well, seedier. Does it stop us watching?
Nope.
Does it mean we all turn away from the Olympics on principal and refuse to have anything to do with something that has hints of corruption creeping around the edges?
Nope.

What does this guy have to do with sport, anyway? I'm glad you asked....












Why not?

Maybe it's because we all, deep (and not so deep) down desperately want to believe in something that is noble and fair and holds up the results of those who have pressed on and overcome. Perhaps we can see that the true spirit of the Games is alive and well in the majority of those taking part (trainers and 'behind the scenes' folk' as well as competitors). Maybe we simply look past the crappiness and focus on the glory.

Sounding a bit, y'know, Christian there for a moment!

Funny how sport and Christianity have such close ties, isn't it? Even the Bible uses sporting metaphors:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.  

 (1 Corinthians 9: 24-27 ESV)

Or how about Hebrews 12 1-2:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

                                                           Talk about eyes on the prize!

Have a snippet from 2 Timothy 2:5...

An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.

('Nuff said!)

I could easily quote a ton more.

There's something very familiar in the Way Of The Sports Fan, too. Devotion to a team or person. Wearing symbols of that support/ devotion outwardly to show their allegiance. Gathering with those of the same mindset/ allegiance and group singing of songs during that gathering (hey, don't deny it.....I've heard enough renditions of you'll Never Walk Alone to know it's true. Interesting choice of song, huh? :) ).

Thankfully there are some differences. I've never left our Methodist church with friends only to encounter another group leaving the local Anglican church and end up in a punch up with them. Not yet anyway!!!

The biggest difference, though, is the attitude I spoke of a bit earlier.

The world can look past the 'bad apples' in the Olympics and see the people who genuinely push on to do their best. It can look past the arguing and politics of the organisations in charge and focus on the athletes taking part. It can look past the issue of whether this is the best use of a country's money and throw itself into the spirit of the thing. It doesn't mean that no one cares about those issues, nor that nobody speaks out about them.....it's just that, on the whole, the world can recognise what the Olympics are meant to be about and celebrate the intention and the real purpose.

Wouldn't it be fantastic if the world could do the same with Christianity? If it could look past the failures of those who fall publicly and spectacularly (whether as individuals or as churches/ organisations); past the rather confused values of some churches and see the Spirit of it (pun intended)..the people who do their best to live out the truth of it...who really believe and let that belief change them. I don't mean that those failures shouldn't be challenged or the shortcomings not addressed and dealt with. It would just be great if the world could recognise what the Church is meant to be about-and celebrate the intention and real purpose.

Hell of a challenge for us, too, isn't it? I'm quite daunted at the idea of being someone who should be showing the best of the Church to the world. I fall over the hurdles rather more than I'd like. I'm not in tip-top spiritual condition and sometimes I grab the baton and promptly charge off in completely the wrong direction with it, leaving my team mates wondering what the blazes I'm doing.

I'm not entirely sure I listen as well as I should to the Trainer, either, if I'm honest.

I rather suspect that when it comes to entering the Great Stadium (I'm on a roll with the imagery now...don't try and stop me!), I'll be less Usain Bolt and more Dennis from 'Run, Fat Boy, Run'.*

   Warm ups!

Better dust off the trainers and Just Do It, I suppose!!!!




* (Ever seen Run Fat Boy, Run?  Dennis is a guy who ends up committing himself to running in what's pretty much the equivalent of the London Marathon to, initially, impress his ex-girlfriend and mother of his son, (whom he jilted at the altar years before), and prove to her than he can actually see something through without quitting. He's out of shape and out of his league against his ex's new boyfriend who's an experienced runner, although a jerk. The more sensitive of you might not want to watch. It has some Naughty Words in it and a bare bum at the end. I know, right? Shocker!)

And they rode off into the sunrise......

Most mornings going to work, I catch a bus (don't worry- I always let them go again to roam free) but now and then I walk. It's a far enough distance to have to leave home early but more direct than the bus, so I'm not leaving too much earlier. A couple of months ago, Spring had started to take its job a little more seriously and stopped doing impressions of the Arctic. It also decided to switch the lights on a little earlier too, so that on the few mornings I decided to forgo the bus, my walk to work coincided with some rather lovely sunrises. I often pop my camera into my bag and once I saw the pinky-purple tinge in the sky, made sure I took it with me.

 Pretty, huh?








There's something very serene
 about those colours!

One particular view- this one.......

... made me think of that old cliche at the end of films where the hero rides off into the sunset. Except, of course, this is a sunrise.
My brain working the way it does- I ended up with the thought that, well, isn't it better to ride off into the sunrise? I mean, I get that the galloping off in silhouette towards the setting sun is symbolic of endings- the hero has overcome, the villain defeated, the girl won and all set to rights again- and the adventure has reached its finale. Nature's curtain is coming down on the scene.
All very lovely and I understand that they've gone off for 'happy ever after'- but sometimes that finale seems a little, well, final. Going off into the sunrise seems a much more appealing option at times. A sunrise is all about new beginnings- a new dawn, another day and all that. It holds potential- the general feeling that anything could be achieved. It's a very positive concept.Instead of the story ending- it's just beginning.

I sometimes worry that I may come across as cheesy radio God-Slot presenter (you know the type- '...and, as I looked at the undercooked sprouts on the plate before me, I realised that we're a bit like those sprouts- hard and unappealing but, you know, God still loves us....' ) but my thought process does tend to make those odd little connections.
At the risk of being a little Double- Gloucester, this was one of those moments. (It had to be, really, didn't it? Or I wouldn't be waffling about it here!)

Like millions of others, I'm happy to be on the Heaven-bound journey. I'm not going to be worried about where I'm seated at the Great Feast, or if my Mansion is detached, semi detached or terraced. I'll just be so damn glad to actually be there that I'll be perfectly contented to sit at the table near the kitchen door and inhabit a nice little bungalow just off the Heavenly High Street. So, maybe it sounds a little weird when I admit that sometimes....the thought of Heaven.... it scares me a bit. 

I thought I'd better whisper that in case I get walloped with a Bible. Maybe I'd better clarify.
I think that we tend to see Heaven as the Christian equivalent of riding off into the sunset. We've fought the good fight, shuffled off the mortal coil (nothing like mixing the Bible with a bit of Shakespeare), and have been told "Well done thou good and faithful servant".

What next?

Are we then going to look at each other awkwardly and say "Ermmm- well...this is nice, isn't it? So what shall we do now? Bit of an anti-climax, actually. Anyone have any games to keep us going for the rest of eternity?"
No, of course not- that's silly.
Maybe we'll all sit around on clouds looking outwardly serene, while inwardly, ignoring the fact that clouds actually give one a soggy bum.
That's just ridiculous.
Perhaps we'll be given a paper bag on entering Heaven- and understand why when we suddenly realise that eternity is a very...very....very....very....very......... long time and start hyperventilating in a panic at the enormity of it all.
I doubt it.

I know that it won't be any of those things. Truth be told though- I've absolutely no idea what it will be. My mind sometimes has a moment of mentally breathing into the metaphorical paper bag when it tries to grasp the idea of eternity in Heaven because, I suspect, I've seen it as the Sunset moment- the end of the journey and the full stop at the end of the sentence. I find it hard to reconcile that idea with the reality that after sunset comes night. Heaven won't be just an odd eternal night time. That much I do know.

After my morning walks to work, I'm now convinced that Heaven will be the sunrise to a brand new day- the start of the true journey- the beginning of the fulfillment of potential.It'll be the part where we say to God, "So....this is all going to be ok, right? Only, I'm a bit nervous" and He'll smile and say "My wonderful child, you have no idea! You're gonna LOVE this...."
And He'll take my hand and together we'll go off into the sunrise................

I can't brain today...I have the dumb!

Ever had one of those days (or lives, in my case!!!) when your brain seems determined to sabotage you? One of those days when it just won't shut up- but keeps spouting so many thoughts at you that you end up in a big mental tangle?

Ever had it tie you in spiritual knots?

What is the deal with that?

Last week I had to do something that was relatively straightforward- a formality to draw a line under an ongoing problem. It was no real biggie and the chances of anything going wrong were very remote.
Still, being  a sensible Christian, of course (!), I prayed about it before hand and on my way to the meeting that was to finalise things.

That's when my brain decided to play spiritual Twister. If you're not sure what that entails, it often goes something like this.....

Imagine I'm leaving on a journey. I set out down the road in the car. I pray for a safe journey. Then I may be a little more specific- 'Lord, give me skill and wisdom in driving today.'
Tootling along a little further, it occurs to me that God may very well grant wisdom and skill to me- but I'd just better be certain about other drivers on the road. After all, you don't know who's out there today! I add in a little extra..."Lord, grant skill and wisdom to other drivers, too."

Hmmm- what if the drivers are all skill-and-wisdomed-up but something out of their control happens? Something that driving skills and Solomon -esque wisdom can't handle? What if, for example, a random meteor drops in on us. I mean, it happened in Russia, right?
Better factor that in....."Lord, please protect us from events out of our control and keep us all safe."

That should do it.

Ok- the stereo's on, I'm enjoying trying to sing all the parts of Bohemian Rhapsody by myself and...oh. Hang on. What if I'm safe- and other people are safe....but something happens to the car? Theoretically speaking, that thing could get walloped pretty hard but I could walk away safely. Better ping another prayer up.
"Lord, please protect the car from any accidents. Please keep it protected from any damage on the roads..(wait- what if it gets bashed into while it's parked?)... and wherever I need to leave it. Please don't let any person or object cause any damage to it."

Oh flip! What if it doesn't get damaged but it breaks down? What if there's some sort of mechanical failure? We really can't afford to have anything go wrong with it- it's been an expensive month and  we need the car on the road....

Right...

"Lord, please let the car function on my journey today- on the journey there and back and all the bits in between. Let nothing break down, or go wrong."


By the time I reach the first junction, my prayers are along the lines of:
"Lord, let no male drivers, or female drivers, or elderly drivers or young drivers, or newly qualified drivers, or learner drivers or lorries, or vans, or cars, or mopeds, or motorcycles or pedal bikes, or pedestrians or dog walkers or people who have just popped out of their house to put the bin out, or people who have just popped out of their house to get the bin back in- walk in front of, behind, to the left, to the right, diagonally in any direction, on top (well, you never know) or fall underneath the car and......."

Ok- bit of an exaggeration, true. Especially as I can't actually drive!

You get the idea, though? By the time I'd got to the meeting I was attending, I'd probably prayed for every possible, unlikely and downright ridiculous eventuality I could imagine.

Why?

Why do we (some of us mere mortals, anyway) get ourselves all tied up in a tangle?

I'm not saying it's wrong to pray for specifics. On the contrary, it's important- at times vital- to be specific in our prayers. But I'm referring to this kind of unnecessary mental gymnastics that makes our prayers go around in convoluted passages and getting nowhere meaningful.

                                                  

Hang on...didn't I just pass this prayer a minute ago?

What is it that makes us sometimes feel as if we have to cram every little thing into our prayers? It's something I've been asking myself. Is it that I don't believe that God will know what I mean unless I spell it out VERY clearly for Him- a sort of bellowing into a spiritual earhorn?

                              

 "Speak up, dear, I'm getting on a bit, you  know!"

I'm pretty sure that's not it. I mean- God's GOD! He knows. 

Have you ever seen the (fabulous) film 'Labyrinth' with the late David Bowie as Goblin King, Jareth? In one scene, a group of goblins are in hiding and waiting for disgruntled teenager, Sarah, to say the right words for them to be able to spring into action. She frustrates them by coming out with a phrase that's close- but not what they're waiting for. At last she unwittingly hits on the exact combination of words and they launch into their mischief.

I'm also pretty sure that God isn't a goblin waiting for me to somehow phrase my prayer in juuuuust the right way before He'll act on my behalf. 

I believe firmly in God's goodness- His mercy, His generosity, His love...... so why on earth do I find myself with my knickers in a twist, spiritually speaking.(If we can have spiritual armour, I'm reasonably certain that there's spiritual underwear to be had somewhere!!!!)

What usually happens when I get my brain all Rubik-cubed is that I get to the point where I come to a screeching halt and say to God "You know what all this muddled stuff in my head means. Please take my prayers out of this gibberish and help me leave them with You."

At that point, I can almost picture God just smiling and saying "That's what I was waiting for. Quit stressing and leave it with Me."

Most of the time I end up laughing at myself. Most of the time I can hand things to God very simply and happily. But I still don't know why those Twister moments happen. 

Surely I'm not the only one? 

What do you think?

 Ouch!

Excuse me- your motives are showing.

Quick quiz for you today.

Why do you want to go to Heaven?

a) To be with the Lord and dwell in His presence forevermore.

b) To experience the eternal joy of being with my Saviour.

c) Because I just can't get enough of that holy vibe.

d) Because, quite frankly, the idea of going elsewhere scares the ever living crud out of me and leaves me in a cold sweat!


Would you judge someone who answered 'd' or did you put a big, fat mental circle right round that sucker?

I was thinking about the post I made a little earlier about an online discussion- and, inevitably, started recalling other conversations I'd had with the same group of Christians. It made me realise two things.
Firstly- that it worries me just how condemning we can be to each other. It's sad to see how- in a world that the Bible warns will get tougher- we're pretty close sometimes to putting the Enemy out of a job! We're handling the Discourage and Discord part of things quite nicely all by ourselves with no outside interference necessary, so much of the time. It's actually why I rarely visit the website any more. So much nastiness when hiding behind the anonymity of a keyboard.

"This command I give to thee...Thou shalt not troll the internet"





The second thing I realised is that I have a low-troll tolerance level- and tend to want to give someone a virtual smack round the head (never said I was a perfect Christian either!!!!) when they're pouncing on some poor soul who plucked up the courage to put a bit of their vulnerability out there and admit that they're struggling with something in their faith..

Anywhoozle..... one person had admitted that he'd become a Christian because he was scared of the idea of hell. He didn't want to miss his chance of Heaven. Did we think that that would make God angry?

Now, there were (there always are, thankfully) some very decent replies- but it shocked me that the overwhelming response was the computer equivalent of tutting and head-shaking.

 Didn't he realise that our main purpose is to LOVE God, for goodness' sake? We should be wanting to go to Heaven to enjoy the privilege of being in His Holy Presence. How selfish to think of his own fears- and he should sort his motivations out.........

There are some scary people out there.

I lied earlier, by the way. I said I had realised two things. It's actually three. The third being that I tend to disengage from those sort of arguments and just illustrate what I want to say instead.

So- my thoughts on our motivation in this whole Christian malarky....

Imagine this:

You're on a ship miles from anywhere. You've been enjoying the journey and getting a little of that sea air- when something happens. It may be a freak wave, it may be that you leaned a bit too far over- and ...SPLASH!

The next thing you know you're in the water. No one has noticed. The ship sails on without you and you're alone in the deepest ocean you can imagine. Everything in you goes into a frenzied panic. You can't swim- goodness knows how you've managed to stay afloat this long! Your life is flashing before your eyes and you know that you're about to end up as fish food.

Suddenly, above the sound of the sea, you just hear the rhythmic lapping of oars cutting powerfully through water. A boat appears over the waves and the man rowing with such skill pulls the boat alongside you. He looks at you and says "In you get!"

You look back at him, spluttering a little as you call above the splashing of your arms, "I can't!"

"Why not?" the man asks.

"It wouldn't be right!" you cough.

The man looks at you with a raised brow. "Oh? Why not?"

"Well," you say, coming up to gulp down some air while you still can, "I wouldn't be getting in the boat for the right reasons."

The man leans on the edge of the boat. "Well, I'm not going to force you to get in- it's your choice. But I'm curious- what reason do you think you need?"

"I don't know you for a start!" you gasp.

The man can't help a smile. "Do you really think this is the time for worrying about stranger danger?"

"I don't mean that" you wail, as you start to sink. "I mean....well...it's not right. I wouldn't be getting in the boat because I like you. I wouldn't be getting in because I want to spend time with you, I'd only be doing it so I don't drown!"

The man leans further over towards you and says "And you don't think that that's a good enough reason to climb into a boat?"

You shake your soaking wet hair out of your eyes, which sting with salt. "It'd be very selfish, wouldn't it? It'd only benefit me!"

As you spit water out of your mouth, the man speaks gently and quietly- yet somehow you can hear every word.

"I knew that you were in trouble. I knew that you couldn't fight this overwhelming ocean alone and live. I came out here with only one purpose; to save you. It was my choice. Now- how about you let me do just that?  How about letting 'living' be enough of a reason for now? We've a fair journey ahead. Why don't you climb in- and we'll take care of the getting to know me and working out the rest on the way?"

You look up through a watery haze- and take his outstretched hand.......

Today, Jesus was a mermaid...

....kind of.

I'm aware that this needs a bit of explaining! Bear with me....

Unlike most other Teaching Assistants and Teachers at my school, I'm out on the playground every day with a particular child. It means that the children in 'my' class come to me with every little problem because I'm usually the adult they're most familiar with out there. My class is brilliant and I love working with those kids...

BUT

There are only so many times you can hear:

"She made a face at me".... "We're playing chase and I caught her but she ran away and she says it doesn't count!"..... "Mildred says I'm not her friend and I'm not invited to her party!"...."She did a backflip on the bars and then I did and now she says I'm copying her!"

before you either start to think that Miss Trunchbull in Matilda had the right idea in building The Chokey, or you come up with a plan fast.

Miss Trunchbull: this is how it's done!

















It was close- but I opted for 'come up with a plan fast'. (Sooooo close, though!) Now, you may wonder why I've used 'she' so many times above. Let me be very clear- the boys do fall out and I do have to deal with their mostly football related issues; but at the time it was a group of girls who had me on the verge of releasing my inner snarly- dragon. So- little knowing what I was letting myself in for- I made up a fairytale game. Suddenly we were on a quest to find the Golden Unicorn which would grant us a wish each if we caught up with it (and asked nicely, of course!). I also let out my inner diva and added a few character voices and such into the mix. As you do. Good playtime- lots of fun had. End of story.

Nope. The next day I had a group of girls hopping round me in that excited, hopeful, you-know-we're-gonna-bug-you-forever way that only a little girl can do, saying "Can we play the game...pleeeeeeeease?"

I'll give you a quick summary of that day to this.....

We have ridden unicorns, escaped from dungeons, been chased by trolls, outwitted an evil queen, sailed the silver seas, solved countless riddles and many other things.
My Theatre Arts studies have not been wasted! Someone had to be a troll/ wicked queen/ kindly fairy/ goblin etc. The girls also have an endearing (!) habit of declaring that they've found a special message on a scroll and asking me what it says- then casually mentioning that it's in rhyme. My record is 8 consecutive rhyming clues!

 I should get a pay rise!

You'll be very glad to know that we found the unicorn. The queen of the land was so impressed with us that she invited us to a special ball. Would you know it- while we were there, the queen's seven jewels were stolen and we're currently on a quest to track them down. What are the odds, eh?

Much as I love the role playing and the storytelling- there are times when I'm not in an entertaining sort of mood, or have been on the go constantly and I've thought 'Why don't you lot go and play somewhere else today and give me a break?' There are girls that come and go from the game- but there's a small group who are Old Faithfuls and have been there pretty much every step of our journeys of Tolkienesque proportions- and are engaged in the world we've invented, adding their own ideas and events as we go. At those times I can only do one thing......

Suck it up and become the mermaid who's helping them retrieve the next clue from a message in a bottle.

So how does Jesus get to be an Ariel wannabe?

Not long ago I was talking to someone about our playground adventures and they said "You know, that's the thing they'll remember in the future."

It made me think. For some reason playing this game, connects in my mind with:

 ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25:40)

It reminds me of our Frontline- living out our faith in the place we are among the people we interact with during our week. On the flipside of that particular coin is this

That's one heck of a concept, isn't it? I've always loved this- but every now and then when I let it sink in, it scares the blazes out of me. Same goes for Jesus' words in Matthew!

 I suppose those not really very holy or terribly spiritual things- those 'doing it anyway just because' things....they're being done for Jesus in two ways. For him, because I'm doing those things as if Jesus is the recipient. For him, because I'm doing them on his behalf.

I hope that, say twenty years down the line, there'll be a group of girls (and the two boys who come and go from the game now) who will remember this loony Teaching Assistant who used to do silly voices and lollop around like a troll; whose name they probably won't remember but who really wanted them to see a bit of Jesus there. If they don't recall my name- that's ok I just hope they recall how Jesus was there, in an imperfect form, making things fun....making sure that there was always someone they could go to who would never, ever say "No you can't join in with us", who made sure that every single person who played got to have their ideas heard and acted upon.

I hope that doesn't sound as pretentious as I fear, nor an attempt to go all Uriah Heep and be so very 'umble. If anything good is being given to these children through it all, it's Jesus that's doing it. Heaven knows, I don't have the energy!!!

It's just a silly game. But Jesus does so excel at using silly things.

He also happens to be an awesome pirate!

To err is human, so, errrrrr........

I had a conversation online once with a Christian  who was having a hard time with forgiveness. This person wasn't having trouble doing the forgiving- but with being forgiven. They'd read their Bible and had found Matthew 5: 23-24:

"Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.'

Knowing they had done something that someone else was angry about (a minor thing- but it had ticked off this guy)- they went to be reconciled.

They weren't exactly greeted like the Prodigal son returning. The guy had apparently made it pretty clear that he was annoyed, had held onto his annoyance for a good while now and, dammit, was going to keep hold of that annoyance!

Our friend was now having a dilemma. They were convinced that, basically, they were doomed now because they were 'unforgiven'. They'd told God about it- and asked for God's forgiveness. But they were convinced that, as far as they were concerned, there was now a big burly bouncer (try saying that 5 times really fast!) at the Pearly Gates, who was going to scowl at them and say "Nah- someone's not forgiven you.You're name's not down, so you're not coming in."

Sad, isn't it? How many people are carrying unnecessary burdens because they've got hold of an idea that simply isn't of God's making. It makes me wonder what ideas I've got that are a bit screwy.

Mesdames et Messieurs, I give you today's reading from 'Not-the-Gospels'

'And behold, a man said unto Jesus, "Lord, I have done as you have said. At the altar, I didst remember that I have wronged my neighbour and I went at once to make my peace with him. I confessed my wrongs."

Jesus replied, "Verliy, I say unto you, that is good. What sayest thy neighbour?"

The man sayeth, "Lord, my neighbour telleth me that I am a ratbag that cannot be trusted. Well, actually, Lord, he useth a stronger term than that- but I'm not repeating it in front of thee!"

"What exactly is thy problem?" sayeth Jesus.

"Though I have confessed my sin against him- and am sorry from my heart, he doth tell me to shoveth off and doth not want to know."

And Jesus sayeth, "Well, that is thy tough luck, my friend."

The man crieth "But, Lord, I have truly repented. I am not the man I once was. I have poured out my heart in repentance before this man and before the Lord God!"

And Jesus didst shruggeth and say "Yea, verily, I get that- but as he hath decided that his unforgiveness is more powerful than God's forgiveness, there's not much I can do about it! Sorry, but until he cometh round you'll have to wallow in thy sins. The Lord God will have to change his mind and hold back on the forgiveness until thy neighbour doth decide that thou aren't a ratbag."

And Jesus didst put a hand sorrowfully on the man's shoulder and sayest unto him "...and I know thy neighbour- and boy, doth he know how to bear a grudge. Thou mayest be in for a loooooong wait, pal!"

An Attitude of Gratitude...most of the time, anyway.

Spring has sprung like Tigger on a sugar high in my corner of the planet and it was faaaabulous this morning when I took the dog out. Being England, the glorious warm sun didn't last long and it's now a bit dim out there- but it was wonderful then. Walking down to one of the fields near my home, I couldn't help thinking of the verse 'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.' (Psalm 118: 24).

(Pretty, huh? It was a bit hazy, so the hills are bit 'subdued' This is a seriously 'Kentish' scene, by the way! Hills, farm, oasthouses.... I'm handing you a freakin' postcard, here, people!) 

Pretty soon the thinking turned to singing . Now, the dog doesn't mind that. She's used to it, she loves me and is very forgiving....plus I feed her, so she's learned to let some things slide. There I was in full 'This is the daaaaay that the Loooord has maaaaade....'  mode when I realised that a woman was overtaking me on the left flank. 

Damn.

It's very hard pretending that your full-on supposed private worship session was actually you speaking to your dog! There are some who'd say that it shouldn't matter; that it's a witness and who would probably quote verses at me about not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ.......

I'm not.

It's not the gospel I'm worried about- it's my singing. No-one needs to have that sort of audio assault when they're minding their own business on their way somewhere! Note to self- wait till you're off the pathways before caterwauling aloud.

But I digress......

In the fields, it was just lovely. 

Flowers...blossom, SPRING!!!!

Rosie enjoying a romp through the field- who cares about dewy, soggy paws, or the state of my coat when she gave a 'look how happy I am!' jump at me seconds later? Not Rosie, that's for sure. (Serves me right for crouching down to take the pic)

So- in the middle of the field, looking at scenery that the photos don't do justice to (and you'd get sick of me sharing ALL of them here!), I felt so, so grateful that I live so close to places where I can recharge my batteries and enjoy the peace in a busy life. It's one thing I actually do feel grateful for on a daily basis. We've lived in some tough old places. I know what it's like to be stuck in a bedsit in the middle of a city, or to live in a house where you can't relax because every minute you're waiting for the next stone to hit your window and dread coming home because you know something else will have been vandalised; where you worry how the local teens will try to hurt your kids THIS time when they go outside. 

As you can imagine, living here is a real blessing. It's one I don't take for granted- but it struck me today how many other things I do. It's easy to count the blessings when those blessings are a real answer to prayer- a whole change of life. But I'm guilty of forgetting the things that aren't so obviously brilliant. This could turn into a cliche- 'hey, count your blessings and be grateful for it all' post if I'm not careful- but I've kind of ended up challenging myself now to show God some gratitude for the crappy stuff too. Not because it's crappy- but because it played a part in me getting to the place where I can appreciate the good stuff in a way I may not have done otherwise. 

I knew that after my walk this morning, I'd physically pay for it. I don't have the best health in the world- and I was right- I ached like crazy and have had to dose up on pain relief. So I'm going to start with that.

 Thank you, Lord that I get to feel the pain. I hate it and I wish it wasn't there- but it is and right now, you're allowing me to feel it, so that means I've got to shut up and listen for once to what you're teaching me through it. And thank you that it's being in pain that makes me more determined to get off my butt and get out there because I refuse to feel sorry for myself and I refuse to let the pain and tiredness win. If I didn't make myself do this- I'd miss out on the beauty and restorative power of this world- my part of it- that you've made. I'd miss out on the opportunity NOT to take it for granted. 

It may not be a big theological truth- but it's my truth. Gotta develop more of that attitude of gratitude!

Does the fridge realise it's a spiritual lesson?

So- I have a blog underway (all two posts!) and it feels good- as if somehow I've grown a little, spiritually. My life should reflect that, right? I feel that I should be walking round with an 'air' of that certain something; that my actions will take on a holier nuance, that I should be wrestling with the concepts of Truth and Redemption as I spend important hours putting such thoughts into words......

Fat chance!

Wanna see what I did today?  This........

Yep- I emptied out the fridge and de-gunked it (don't look too closely- it ain't pretty!). I also cleared up some dog poo from the garden but I figured you probably wouldn't want to see a photo of that! Not very glam activities are they? 

As I was kneeling on the kitchen floor, cleaning up the puddles (evidence that our fridge is a bit old and incontinent) I couldn't deny that I wasn't exactly enjoying myself. Then that really annoying thing happened- a bible verse forced its way past my thoughts of what to have for lunch (there wasn't a lot of food left after I ditched a disturbing amount from the fridge) and wondering exactly what the blazes had been in that tub I found at the back of the shelf- and pushed itself to the front where I couldn't ignore it. 

I bet you've already quoted it faster than I can say 'NIV':

'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters...'  (Colossians 3:23)

Okay, not the first time I've thought of that verse when faced with a grotty job. This time, though, it came hand in hand with two other thoughts- The first was 'This is your frontline, you know'.

A while back our Bible Study group worked through a course called 'Life on the Frontline'. I won't go into all the details here- but will say that it's very good, very accessible and I took a lot away from it. It basically gets you to look at your own life and see the day to day interactions and activities as your 'Frontline'- the place where God can work through you. (You can check out details here  if you like)

'Okay' I thought, 'Got it. This is my 'place' and I'm working for God right now'.

That's when thought number 2 piped up with this:

I nearly derailed the entire thought process by baulking at that 'human masters' bit from Colossians . I mean, I love hubby and offspring to bits but 'human 'masters...?????' 

Usually in moments like this, I get a sense of God gently prodding me and saying 'Just get the point, will you?' and this was no exception.

Kneeling in fridge-pee, I got on with cleaning it out- and doing as thorough and 'hearty' a job of it as I could- because God has given me this place and this family as 'my' place to be worked through (if that makes sense) and because I'd rather cut the delusions of spiritual grandeur and make sure my starting point is right here- with the closest ones at home. 

So- join me in a challenge today. There's a big world of need out there- but right now, if you have family, if you have anyone you share your home with (or neighbours)- start there. Don't let them be forgotten in 'the big picture' - and love them by making sure they won't catch salmonella or botulism from the fridge of doom!

And, we're off.......

I'm going to need you to employ a little imagination here, ok?

You're standing with a bottle of champagne in your hand. Don't get too excited- it's not for drinking. Raise that baby up high and throw it at this page as hard as you can, declaring "I name this blog 'Wearing a Fish'.... Wait- wearing a what?"

Don't ask questions- just get on with it. Jeez, I wouldn't have picked you if I'd known you were going to go all judgmental on me. Just throw the thing....

"I name this blog 'Wearing A Fish. God bless her and all who sail in her, er, read her....whatever"

Cue smashing of bottle against the screen (sorry about that- but, hey, you were daft enought to lob a bottle of bubbly at your computer). And we're off on our maiden post!

By now you've probably got the idea that this isn't going to be some deep academic exploration into theological matters. It's less:
'But, of course, the original Aramaic clearly shows that the use of the plural of 'lion' shows more than one lion was in there!' 
and more:
'These are the voyages of  a very ordinary Christian- her ongoing mission to explore strange new parts of this faith of ours, to seek out new life (any life- signs of life are good) in our Christian community and bodly go where generations have gone before- and hey, d'you want to tag along for the ride????'

Like I said- not deep and academic. Don't get me wrong, I love academic study. I've always enjoyed that aspect of digging deeper into the Bible and I love learning about the historical and cultural background and so on. 'Study to show yourself approved to God' is not a problem for me. I can study the heck out of things!
But the further along I get in my faith, the more I know that all the knowledge in the world doesn't amount to much if it doesn't become 'real'. So- that's my part of the journey....to continue to 'keep it real'; to see God in the every day as well as the big stuff and to live it- not just dissect it!

As my daughter says- 'Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.'
(It's just occurred to me that 'Tomatoes In My Fruit Salad' would have made a cool name for this blog.....).
So, folks, this is me- trying to keep my tomatoes in my salad and out of my custard and inviting you along. Who knows, maybe there'll be something worth taking away from here with you. And if not- then you can help pick me up when I trip face first into the yellow goo! No doubt there'll be some changes as I figure out what I want to put where- and thanks in advance for your patience. You're a wonderful audience- don't forget to tip your waitress....

Oh yeah- that 'God bless her' bit? I mean that. I really mean it. If God's not in it- I don't want to be either. Apply that to what you like, mes amis!

It's been a long waffle- but I can't go without saying thank you to the guys in our 'Huddle' group for getting on my case about starting this blog (look- it's real...I've actually done it!!!). You can make me a cup of tea next week!