5 Things I Hate About Christianity

*Gasp.*   She used the 'H' word!!!

Yep, I sure did, Baby. Don't tell me you haven't got your own little list tucked away in your mind (maybe your subconscious). It may be shorter (or longer. Much, much longer...) but I bet it's there!

Yes, by the way, I did steal the title from the film '10 Things I Hate About You'. I noticed it on one of the Sky movie channels and it triggered a bit of thinking.... and here we are. 'Hate' is a bit strong, to be honest, but why be pedantic and miss out on a good title?

Let's make one thing really clear before I clamber up on my soapbox with the help of a winch. Disliking an aspect of Christianity does not mean that I've suddenly decided to burn my Bible and become a devotee of the trident wielding one.

It just means that there are things that, for some reason, seem to have adhered themselves to being a Christian, like gum stuck on the bottom of your shoes (of the gospel of peace. See what I did there? No? Go read Ephesians, ya heathen!)- and some of those things really tick me off. To be fair, they're the bizarre set of rules or behaviours we seem to adopt or tolerate in the 'Christian' life rather than Christianity itself.

You'll see what I mean. (I fully intend to repent of my judgmental attitude later, ok? ) 

Mesdames et Messieurs- let me introduce you to, in no particular order:

The Official Wearing A Fish List Of Things That Suck About Christianity 

(Catchy title, huh?)

1. Parlez vous Christianese?  

 Is there a place that you're meant to go when you become a Christian, where you sit down with an old 1990s copy of Woman's Weekly and a deli- type ticket with your number on and wait your turn to enter the Room Of Lingo? Was I meant to go along and get a language chip put inside my head? If so, I missed my appointment! 

When was it decided that otherwise normal, sane people should suddenly start using all these weird cliched expressions on finding Jesus and really just seeing if the Lord will open the door on that course of action and just really take it to the Lord in prayer because we do just want to see Thee move mightily (if it's Thy will) and so if we really just move into a time of prayer now....
       "Huh?"

Ok, that's enough. You get the idea. Not all Christians fall into using all this jargon, obviously, but it's still out there folks. I've been in prayer groups where we're all chatting quite happily and suddenly, as soon as any praying begins, several people are transported back into the 17th Century. Who knew that prayer was a kind of Tardis???? I won't rant anymore. Besides- Adrian Plass has commented on this matter far more eloquently- and hilariously- than I! (If you've never read his books- go and do it now!).

2. Instant Pollyanna!

Do you remember the chorus 'Jesus, We Celebrate Your Victory'? Nice enough song- but there's one line that I baulked at from the very first '...and in his presence, our problems disappear'. I think that the writer meant that in comparison to being with Jesus- other issues fade, or that we shift our focus from whatever's stressing us out and onto Jesus. Whatever the intention- it sums up a neat, trite view of  Christianity that I really struggle with. Our problems don't just vanish with a magical 'Poof!' when we become Christians. Jesus himself warned us that it'd be tough going- and I'm pretty darn sure that centuries of persecution and martyrdom would back that up. Even on a more mundane basis, we still have crappy situations to deal with, relationships to work at, bills to find money for....... Let's keep it real, people. Problems in your life are normal. And sometimes they're really, really hard to cope with, Christian or not!

The next two are close relatives of that one (at least first cousins!)

3) Name it and Claim it!

If being a Christian meant that God has a pile of material wealth sitting there for each of His little Sunbeams, just waiting for us to say 'Yep, that's mine! Gimme, gimme, gimme....' then explain why the Apostles never rocked up on the Rich List. If having plenty of dough/ wonga/ spondulics or whatever is meant to be the natural state of affairs for a Christian, why wasn't Jesus cruising around Palestine on the latest model Donkey JC mark III.? This could get very theological- but it still bores down the fact that Christianity does NOT equal Jesus morphing into our personal Santa.

   Some Christians take the 'Mine!' attitude a little too far sometimes....

 4) Take Up Thy Mobility Scooter and Walk!

Right on the heels of 'Christians shouldn't know financial hardship' comes 'Christians shouldn't suffer illness or infirmity because Jesus came to heal' Score an extra douche-point if you hear 'By his stripes, we are healed' quoted as a justification for that stance. I've mentioned before that I used to frequent the forums of a Christian site and enjoyed some very interesting conversations/ friendly debates- and that now I only poke my head around the door once in a very blue moon to see if it's safe to go in yet. This is one of the reasons; a prevailing belief that if you're a Christian then you can't have any ongoing medical conditions- ESPECIALLY if they come in the form of mental illness. Depressed? Cheer up and Praise The Lord! 
(grrrrrrr). 
I actually read a post where the writer was telling another person that he shouldn't take medication for his schizophrenia because Jesus should be his healer- and to get rid of man-made things and trust God to heal him. Very responsible and not at all harmful advice ('Caaaaan you feeeeel the sarcasm tonight.....').
The view goes that if you're saved and ill or not in perfect health- then you must be doing something wrong and/ or your faith isn't strong enough.
Complete and utter pigswill!

Tell that to Joni Eareckson-Tada among others! Sometimes God achieves more through someone's 'infirmity' than their 'wholeness'.

Please don't think that I don't believe people can / should be healed by God. I've seen it happen and experienced it in a smaller way myself. My problem is with those who have this ongoing attitude.

Anyhoo... Don't ever tell another Christian that their illness or condition is a result of a lack in their Christianity. It's VERY unlikely to be the case. Don't be that twonk!



5) You want how much????

The Word of the Lord is free- but not if it's encased between the covers of a natty pleather bound-with-ribbon-bookmark-and-photos-of-Galilee volume. And don't get me started on what the keyring declaring your faith will set you back!!!

Ok- I don't have a problem with being charged a reasonable price for a Bible (the stuff inside is priceless- let's be honest!)- nor do I object to paying for such sundries with which I may choose to decorate my keys, my home or myself that state my faith in subtle ways (or screaming it aloud in multi-coloured badges, bracelets, and slightly creepy looking angel ornaments if the mood so takes).

What I object to is the fact that I can't go into any Christian bookshop and plan to come out with some goods without knowing I shall have to part with a week's worth of pay, the chance of being able to afford to eat for the next fortnight and sell my firstborn into seven years of servitude. Just for a mug, a wall plaque with Jeremiah 29.11 on it and a zip-up denim Bible case with integral elastic loop for a biro.

Seriously- what is it with 'Christian' stuff being so insanely expensive? Is it being shipped directly from Heaven via courier angel? Has each item been lovingly manufactured by cherubs who kiss each trinket and imbue it with soft cosy love? (Sounds like a toilet roll ad!).
Like bananas they have!

I'll stick to making my own, getting it from eBay or buying a heathen highlighter pen for 99p at the shop down the road instead of the identical-except-for-having-John 3:16 -printed-on-the-side for £2.50. I'll, y'know, pray over it or something to make it as holy as the 'Christian' version.


  I'll stick to Tic Tacs, thanks.



Conversely... 4) You'll pay me how little????

Flip the crazy overcharging coin over and on the reverse, you'll find the 'Hey Christians work for free' mentality. 

Now, I think it's brilliant when a Christian offers his or her services to someone (be that mending something, walking a dog regularly, painting someone's room, helping a struggling person through official red tape...whatever...) and does so without charging a penny- especially when it's their line of work and they'd normally be receiving a decent payment for that service.
That's fab- and I hope that we all do that in one way or another at times...hopefully preceded by a bit of prompting and a nudge from the Heavenly elbow that this person needs a bit of help.
I've certainly been on the receiving end of that sort of help many times from various Christians and am immensely grateful for their kindness and generosity of time, effort, and skills. It's not doing something for nothing that's the problem.

It's treating a Christian like a source of free labour simply because they're a Christian.
There used to be a shop near where we lived, which sold Christian literature, music, clothing, keyrings...all the usual paraphernalia. Hubby and I saw a leaflet in it once saying that couples were wanted to run one of these shops. Interested, we sent off for the details (yep, that's right. Snail mail. No .com to check out, no Google to search. Prehistoric, right?). When they came- we took one look and knew that we most definitely were NOT being called into that field! Everything looked great except for the fact that there was no pay. At all. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Employees (can you use that term of free workers?) were expected to 'Live By Faith'. It didn't matter if you had a family or not- you were expected to work full time running the business- and rely totally on God to provide you with food, clothing, transport, money for all your bills, your mortgage/ rent....absolutely everything.
That chain of Christian shops no longer exists. I can't say I'm surprised.

Now, I'm not suggesting that trusting God to provide for us is crazy (we've had to trust Him to provide in many areas for us over the years). Nor am I saying that God doesn't sometimes tell someone (an individual, group of people or an organisation) to take a leap of faith and trust Him to provide their financial needs along the way.
What gets me miffed is the expectation that because Christians are supposed to be 'nice, helpful' people, they should be expected to work for the pleasure of helping. I have to say that other Christians can sometimes be the worst for this. I've seen it a lot over the years. I've also seen Christians put into very difficult positions when they've suddenly realised that the person for whom they're providing a service is expecting that service as a freebie simply because they share a faith. Even worse when you know they'd never even hesitate to pay a non-Christian worker.

I think we could do with a little more of a Romans 4:4 attitude...

Now to the one who works, wages are not credited as a gift but as an obligation.

Basically, accepting someone's services for free when they've offered it for free is great. Expecting their services for free for no other reason than that they're a Christian is NOT great. It smacks of a nasty sense of entitlement.

Christian services here....and aaaaall freeee todaaaay!!!!!!

Ok, so those are 5 of my bug-bears. Some of those are real concerns and some are more 'first world problem' minor irritations. I suspect they speak more about my lack of tolerance than anything else- but, hey this is my blog and if I can't sneak a bit of self-indulgence in here, where can I?  

What gets your goat? What foibles of the faith rub you up the wrong way? Should it matter? When does something stop being a silly irritation and become an issue we really should face? Do we have things that we treat as issues that should only be seen as daft little matters to be ignored?

I'd be interested to know what you think. Leave a comment or drop me a line in the email - message box. 

Maybe overly flippant Christian blog writers annoy the hassocks out of you 😉

Don't be shy, now......

Shield of Faith...Helmet of Salvation... Corset of Camaraderie...

Ah, yes...the Corset of Camaraderie; the lesser known garment in the Full Armour Of God Springwear Collection.

Lesser known- but not unimportant.

You see, this particular garment needs others. I mean, have you ever tried lacing one of those things up all on your tod?

 "Puuuuuuuuuuuuuull !!!!!!!!"

No- nor have I. But you don't have to be a Victorian Miss to know that without an obliging buddy- you're never going to get that support underneath the rest of the clobber.

Hmmmm- buddies....support.... y'see where I'm going with this? No subtlety to see here, move along....

In my very first post, I mentioned/ blamed the guys in our Huddle group for encouraging me/ telling me to quit stalling, already, and just start the damn blog! Well, I'm going to drop them in it again. 

We'd been following a course on discipleship- leadership in the group, which has now come to a natural full stop. So we talked about the future of the group. Did we think we should quit meeting? Find another course? Start a penguin training class? Form a team of roller-skaters and train really hard for the Tokyo Olympics?

Well, we decided that we definitely wanted to carry on meeting ( although I'm still up for the penguin training...if anyone can get some penguins for us). We'd had a few people pop in and out of our group (other than us -1 leader, 2 ministers, 3 French Hens.... ok, I may be lying about the hens...) and were now left with Four 'core' members- two of the guys on whom I blame this blog- and another person of the she-male variety, meaning that there are now two men and two women.

So far I have restrained myself from suggesting that we form an Abba cover band.

So- what to do? We discussed what we could study, Bible- wise. Book study? Character study? Topic/ theme? All good ideas.
One thing comes back time and time again with this group- which is what makes it different, for me, than other groups I've been too whose purpose is very specific (Prayer group, Bible study, whatever).
It doesn't matter if we've followed a set programme, chosen random (by which I mean carefully thought out and Spirit-led, of course), topics, all met or just a couple of us, met once a week/ fortnight/ century..... the one factor that makes our group what it is, is (drumroll, please), support. It's the one place where we know we can share the good, the bad and the downright ug-er-ly and be assured that we're in the spiritual equivalent of Vegas.

What gets shared in the group- stays in the group.

That doesn't mean that I can't or haven't been able to share in other groups, or that others don't support each other. Rather, that our primary concern is a sharing of how we're getting on- a throwing into the pot of what's working, what's lifted us, what's causing us hassle, difficulties, pain or struggles. Victories and defeats, real or perceived..... we have the freedom to say how we feel and be honest (*gasp!*) about our failures and successes, worries and thoughts.

You know what else I really value about our group? That we're just ordinary people who want to be part of what an extraordinary God is doing.

This is turning into a far more waffly post than I intended- because something happened last night.

Don't get too excited- there wasn't an unscheduled visitation or a mass revival in my neighbourhood. In fact, it will seem incredibly 'meh'! (I can sense the disappointment in the Force!).

 I haven't typed this post all in one sitting. I began it a while ago, then added a paragraph yesterday afternoon. Last night I went off to our Not-The-Huddle group.
Fortuitous.

There were three of us last night- myself and my two butch and manly co-conspirators (pay me later, guys!). We had our usual 'Soooo- how ya doin' ?' chat and one of the Butch And Manly Dudes (seriously- you can pay cash or use paypal), asked us to list attributes of Jesus. Not surprisingly, we came up with a decent list.
He then asked us to list attributes of the 'perfect church' (refrained from saying 'one that doesn't have me in it'!).
Again, not surprisingly, those turned out to be attributes of Jesus too.

                             

So obvious and so simple but so easily forgotten.

Well, Other Butch And Manly Dude had been sharing a recent experience and about relaxing and going along with God rather than feeling the need to keep asking 'What do you want me to do?'

The connection was so obvious.

So we prayed- for the places where we are in our lives, for others and, mostly, for church. And that was the 'something' that happened. No bolts from the heavens. No voice saying 'Well done My Children' (nor, thankfully, 'Look, would you mind shutting up- I'm trying to watch The Big Bang Theory up here!'),

Nothing happened- but everything did. We were church. Real, proper church. Heartfelt, honest prayers that meant business. Now, it may sound weird- but I swear that there was a moment when something 'opened'...almost a release and, as Other Butch And Manly Dude said later, as if God was saying 'At last!'

It sounds like just another bunch of people praying- but we all felt the same peace- the same sense of quiet excitement and the same realisation that there had been something powerful in that room.

Cool, huh?

When we started to clear up and get ready to go, I stood and got a twinge in my leg. I have so many things wrong with me that it's only a matter of time before they put 'Syndrome' after my name- but I've had a particularly vicious spasm of pain that has grown more frequent and when it happens, it incapacitates me for a minute and leaves me breathless in how excruciating it is. The doctor hasn't been able to suggest anything that helps- so I've put up with it.
It used to only happen when I'm laying in bed- but recently it's taken hold at various points in the day and night and stops me sleeping.

Anywhoozle.... OBAMD reckoned we should pray. Both BAMDs decided that enough was enough- let's sort this out and pray they did.

There was nothing odd- no 'I feel the Spirit buuuuuuurning!!!!!!' moment. I felt no different at all.

(Except that the leg didn't actually hurt at that point)

We washed up the mugs and OBAMD gave me a lift home.
How was the leg?
It felt normal.

I went to bed- tried an experimental stretch (usually a sure-fire way to make my leg decide to throw a drama queen hissy fit).
Zilch.

I slept.

I woke up this morning.

Leg is acting like it's had a stiff talking to and has decided it had better behave itself.

Will it remain pain-free? Will another dose of prayer be needed?

Let's see shall we?

It was enough to give me respite when I so deperately needed it, that's for sure.

And THAT, ladles and jellyspoons of the jury, is why you need your Corset of Camaraderie. it's all very well going out into battle with your armour clanking away, but it's very chaffing and chilly on the skin without some support going on underneath. Something has to help hold you together under the big important stuff -that you know will be there when you've taken the armour off for a bit- or lost bits of it. Something to support you till you can put it back on or find it again.

Hey- you take the metaphor and run with it. Take what you will from it.

As for me- a big shout out to the Butch And Manly Corsets.

HAPPY NEW.... Oh. You've started without me...

Well, if the Blogging version of Social Services doesn't come and take away poor li'l Wearing A Fish and foster it out to a more deserving blogger Mummy, a part of me will be rather surprised!

So much for me saying what a bad blogger I was for neglecting my little corner of the internet- then vanishing for a few more months!

Ah well- life, stuff, y'know.

If there's anyone out there who still accidentally wanders in here- Hello! Thanks for dropping in. I'll try to make your visit worthwhile.

So- we're coming to the tail end of the first chapter of a new year. The banners are packed away. The gym memberships are beginning to look like expensive acts of self-delusion (not me- I've never joined a gym in my life!), the diets falling by the wayside (no comment) and the resolution list stares accusingly from the pages of brand new diaries. Cynical, huh?

When I was a kid I was always so keen to fill in the first page of my new Christmas Present Diary with a list of my Resolutions. Every year they looked pretty much the same. And I tried to ignore the obvious fact that I clearly hadn't achieved them the year before. Again.

Want to know what my main resolution was? (Get your hanky out). It was to change my personality. I had a couple of deeply unhappy years in school where I was bullied on a daily basis. I'd bet money and my Kindle Fire on the fact that the majority of those who made my life so utterly awful would be shocked and horrified at the notion that they were bullying someone. Making fun of the shy girl was just a laugh, after all. A bit of teasing. Mimicking her...well... she should take a joke, right? Laughing at the person who had to sit next to her, hiding her things when her back was turned, pretending to wipe a hand if it touched her, rolling eyes if she got a question wrong in maths (and ignoring the times when she actually wiped the floor with them in other subjects) and arguing over who was going to get stuck with her in a group or a PE team..... Just kids being kids. The whole day. Every day. You think they'd have more important things to be concerned with, wouldn't you? For a girl they claimed was so worthless- they sure as heck devoted a lot of their time to me!

These days, of course, those acts are recognised as bullying tactics and schools are so much more aware of the various forms it takes. But in the 70's/ early 80's...the teachers didn't notice or didn't bother to intervene.
In the end, the bullying got physical and nasty in a way that nobody could pass off as 'a bit of fun' or 'teasing'.
After having the worst attendance record in the class (I was very inventive in the illnesses and injuries I feigned to get out of school) for some time- I had a panic attack on my way to school after a morning off and simply not being able to face going, I detoured to my Auntie's house and came up with some story that convinced her to let me stay with her for the afternoon. I don't think she believed it- but she let me stay anyway. Within a couple of days, I watched a documentary in which a boy, bullied at school, had help when it was reported and the police paid a visit to the bully in question. It must have been pretty serious for police involvement- but it was like the proverbial lightbulb going on in my head.
This was actually bad? Not just messing about? Kids could be in trouble for doing that to someone?
The next day, the girl who was the absolute worst to me (I received so many kicked shins under the table from her every day that I'm amazed I could actually walk properly!), sat beside me in a lesson and made her usual too-quiet-to-be-heard-by-anyone-else- comment of  "God, you stink!"
To this day I have no idea what gave me a sudden moment of calm and fearlessness as I simply replied "You could get into SO much trouble for what you're doing to me" (I remember it verbatim. Odd, huh?) She gave me a shocked look and I told her that I saw a programme where the police went to the bully's house- and something along the lines of what she doing was against the law (I think I interpreted it that way, anyhow!).
She was silent and got on with what she was doing.
After that, she tended to ignore me- and she never actively bullied me again. Shortly afterward, I left the school to go to Grammar School anyway (with the delightful parting shot from several of my classmates of 'How did SHE get in and I didn't?). I didn't care- I was so happy to be leaving.
So- where does my resolution fit into all this?
Because I 'knew' that being the person I was made me unpopular and despised. I had no idea why but I 'knew' just as surely that if I could be a different person this time- it would be better.If I could become funny and outgoing and exactly like the Queen Bee of the group- confident and extroverted- then it would stop.

All I had to do was be....well....not me.

Playing your violins yet?









Crazy, isn't it? Anyone who has ever been bullied will tell you that it stays with you for years. Even when you're in a different situation, it niggles away there like a little brain worm. I loved my new school- wasn't bullied, harassed or treated negatively by any of the girls there at all (single sex school), but  I'd never put myself forward when we had to get into groups, in case they didn't want me with them...little things like that.

You can imagine what an impact discovering the reality of this Jesus guy had, can't you? It took a while for the fact of God's acceptance to sink in. Not just His love- but the fact that He accepts me exactly as I am- and that He doesn't want me to change my personality- but simply to help me become the best version of myself that I can be- to fulfill my personality's potential.... Mind blowing to someone who genuinely believed that they were clearly a bit rubbish as a person!
I can recall when it really hit me- when the reality of God's acceptance and how He loves WHO I am really sunk in. It was actually years after I became a Christian. I was alone, praying about something totally unrelated- and,,,, it just hit me.
And I sobbed.
And sobbed.
And sobbed.

And you would think that after that I became a bright new shiny confident superwoman, wouldn't you?

    Jesus' little sunbeam, me!







You would? Seriously? You clearly haven't read many of these bloggy wafflings my friend, if you think it's that simple!!!!
Yes, I am soooo much more confident than I was. Yes, I do have a far healthier view of myself. But....

Guess what....

It creeps back now and then- to a far lesser extent- but the little niggle can get there before I realise it.

I don't make resolutions as such anymore. I tend to have some goals I would like to achieve- usually, positive things I'd quite like to try or something to bear in mind (for example- the mantra 'Progress not perfection'). This year, I thought about it all and found myself looking at areas I'd not done well in the last year, which was a tough one for us; about some people's opinions of how I'd handled some situations or tasks, about how things would be so much better if my personality, if who I am was better- if I was less....me.

Oops.

It's a blooming good job that God is a patient sort of chap, isn't it?

So- my New Year Resolution...
I'm not resolving anything. I'm just ...being. Being me- remembering God thinks I'm awesome even if I don't, and accepting that I'd make mistakes in this life no matter what personality I have, so no beating myself up over it.
Honestly- think about it. Isn't it amazing? He thinks you are freakin' brilliant -even if He has to help you get some of the dust and grime off so the best of you shines out.

I love this being a Christian lark, I really do!


(Is a resolution not to resolve anything an oxymoron? Or is the moron just me? Answers on a postcard...)

Oooh....deep.