Excuse me- your motives are showing.

Quick quiz for you today.

Why do you want to go to Heaven?

a) To be with the Lord and dwell in His presence forevermore.

b) To experience the eternal joy of being with my Saviour.

c) Because I just can't get enough of that holy vibe.

d) Because, quite frankly, the idea of going elsewhere scares the ever living crud out of me and leaves me in a cold sweat!


Would you judge someone who answered 'd' or did you put a big, fat mental circle right round that sucker?

I was thinking about the post I made a little earlier about an online discussion- and, inevitably, started recalling other conversations I'd had with the same group of Christians. It made me realise two things.
Firstly- that it worries me just how condemning we can be to each other. It's sad to see how- in a world that the Bible warns will get tougher- we're pretty close sometimes to putting the Enemy out of a job! We're handling the Discourage and Discord part of things quite nicely all by ourselves with no outside interference necessary, so much of the time. It's actually why I rarely visit the website any more. So much nastiness when hiding behind the anonymity of a keyboard.

"This command I give to thee...Thou shalt not troll the internet"





The second thing I realised is that I have a low-troll tolerance level- and tend to want to give someone a virtual smack round the head (never said I was a perfect Christian either!!!!) when they're pouncing on some poor soul who plucked up the courage to put a bit of their vulnerability out there and admit that they're struggling with something in their faith..

Anywhoozle..... one person had admitted that he'd become a Christian because he was scared of the idea of hell. He didn't want to miss his chance of Heaven. Did we think that that would make God angry?

Now, there were (there always are, thankfully) some very decent replies- but it shocked me that the overwhelming response was the computer equivalent of tutting and head-shaking.

 Didn't he realise that our main purpose is to LOVE God, for goodness' sake? We should be wanting to go to Heaven to enjoy the privilege of being in His Holy Presence. How selfish to think of his own fears- and he should sort his motivations out.........

There are some scary people out there.

I lied earlier, by the way. I said I had realised two things. It's actually three. The third being that I tend to disengage from those sort of arguments and just illustrate what I want to say instead.

So- my thoughts on our motivation in this whole Christian malarky....

Imagine this:

You're on a ship miles from anywhere. You've been enjoying the journey and getting a little of that sea air- when something happens. It may be a freak wave, it may be that you leaned a bit too far over- and ...SPLASH!

The next thing you know you're in the water. No one has noticed. The ship sails on without you and you're alone in the deepest ocean you can imagine. Everything in you goes into a frenzied panic. You can't swim- goodness knows how you've managed to stay afloat this long! Your life is flashing before your eyes and you know that you're about to end up as fish food.

Suddenly, above the sound of the sea, you just hear the rhythmic lapping of oars cutting powerfully through water. A boat appears over the waves and the man rowing with such skill pulls the boat alongside you. He looks at you and says "In you get!"

You look back at him, spluttering a little as you call above the splashing of your arms, "I can't!"

"Why not?" the man asks.

"It wouldn't be right!" you cough.

The man looks at you with a raised brow. "Oh? Why not?"

"Well," you say, coming up to gulp down some air while you still can, "I wouldn't be getting in the boat for the right reasons."

The man leans on the edge of the boat. "Well, I'm not going to force you to get in- it's your choice. But I'm curious- what reason do you think you need?"

"I don't know you for a start!" you gasp.

The man can't help a smile. "Do you really think this is the time for worrying about stranger danger?"

"I don't mean that" you wail, as you start to sink. "I mean....well...it's not right. I wouldn't be getting in the boat because I like you. I wouldn't be getting in because I want to spend time with you, I'd only be doing it so I don't drown!"

The man leans further over towards you and says "And you don't think that that's a good enough reason to climb into a boat?"

You shake your soaking wet hair out of your eyes, which sting with salt. "It'd be very selfish, wouldn't it? It'd only benefit me!"

As you spit water out of your mouth, the man speaks gently and quietly- yet somehow you can hear every word.

"I knew that you were in trouble. I knew that you couldn't fight this overwhelming ocean alone and live. I came out here with only one purpose; to save you. It was my choice. Now- how about you let me do just that?  How about letting 'living' be enough of a reason for now? We've a fair journey ahead. Why don't you climb in- and we'll take care of the getting to know me and working out the rest on the way?"

You look up through a watery haze- and take his outstretched hand.......

Today, Jesus was a mermaid...

....kind of.

I'm aware that this needs a bit of explaining! Bear with me....

Unlike most other Teaching Assistants and Teachers at my school, I'm out on the playground every day with a particular child. It means that the children in 'my' class come to me with every little problem because I'm usually the adult they're most familiar with out there. My class is brilliant and I love working with those kids...

BUT

There are only so many times you can hear:

"She made a face at me".... "We're playing chase and I caught her but she ran away and she says it doesn't count!"..... "Mildred says I'm not her friend and I'm not invited to her party!"...."She did a backflip on the bars and then I did and now she says I'm copying her!"

before you either start to think that Miss Trunchbull in Matilda had the right idea in building The Chokey, or you come up with a plan fast.

Miss Trunchbull: this is how it's done!

















It was close- but I opted for 'come up with a plan fast'. (Sooooo close, though!) Now, you may wonder why I've used 'she' so many times above. Let me be very clear- the boys do fall out and I do have to deal with their mostly football related issues; but at the time it was a group of girls who had me on the verge of releasing my inner snarly- dragon. So- little knowing what I was letting myself in for- I made up a fairytale game. Suddenly we were on a quest to find the Golden Unicorn which would grant us a wish each if we caught up with it (and asked nicely, of course!). I also let out my inner diva and added a few character voices and such into the mix. As you do. Good playtime- lots of fun had. End of story.

Nope. The next day I had a group of girls hopping round me in that excited, hopeful, you-know-we're-gonna-bug-you-forever way that only a little girl can do, saying "Can we play the game...pleeeeeeeease?"

I'll give you a quick summary of that day to this.....

We have ridden unicorns, escaped from dungeons, been chased by trolls, outwitted an evil queen, sailed the silver seas, solved countless riddles and many other things.
My Theatre Arts studies have not been wasted! Someone had to be a troll/ wicked queen/ kindly fairy/ goblin etc. The girls also have an endearing (!) habit of declaring that they've found a special message on a scroll and asking me what it says- then casually mentioning that it's in rhyme. My record is 8 consecutive rhyming clues!

 I should get a pay rise!

You'll be very glad to know that we found the unicorn. The queen of the land was so impressed with us that she invited us to a special ball. Would you know it- while we were there, the queen's seven jewels were stolen and we're currently on a quest to track them down. What are the odds, eh?

Much as I love the role playing and the storytelling- there are times when I'm not in an entertaining sort of mood, or have been on the go constantly and I've thought 'Why don't you lot go and play somewhere else today and give me a break?' There are girls that come and go from the game- but there's a small group who are Old Faithfuls and have been there pretty much every step of our journeys of Tolkienesque proportions- and are engaged in the world we've invented, adding their own ideas and events as we go. At those times I can only do one thing......

Suck it up and become the mermaid who's helping them retrieve the next clue from a message in a bottle.

So how does Jesus get to be an Ariel wannabe?

Not long ago I was talking to someone about our playground adventures and they said "You know, that's the thing they'll remember in the future."

It made me think. For some reason playing this game, connects in my mind with:

 ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25:40)

It reminds me of our Frontline- living out our faith in the place we are among the people we interact with during our week. On the flipside of that particular coin is this

That's one heck of a concept, isn't it? I've always loved this- but every now and then when I let it sink in, it scares the blazes out of me. Same goes for Jesus' words in Matthew!

 I suppose those not really very holy or terribly spiritual things- those 'doing it anyway just because' things....they're being done for Jesus in two ways. For him, because I'm doing those things as if Jesus is the recipient. For him, because I'm doing them on his behalf.

I hope that, say twenty years down the line, there'll be a group of girls (and the two boys who come and go from the game now) who will remember this loony Teaching Assistant who used to do silly voices and lollop around like a troll; whose name they probably won't remember but who really wanted them to see a bit of Jesus there. If they don't recall my name- that's ok I just hope they recall how Jesus was there, in an imperfect form, making things fun....making sure that there was always someone they could go to who would never, ever say "No you can't join in with us", who made sure that every single person who played got to have their ideas heard and acted upon.

I hope that doesn't sound as pretentious as I fear, nor an attempt to go all Uriah Heep and be so very 'umble. If anything good is being given to these children through it all, it's Jesus that's doing it. Heaven knows, I don't have the energy!!!

It's just a silly game. But Jesus does so excel at using silly things.

He also happens to be an awesome pirate!

To err is human, so, errrrrr........

I had a conversation online once with a Christian  who was having a hard time with forgiveness. This person wasn't having trouble doing the forgiving- but with being forgiven. They'd read their Bible and had found Matthew 5: 23-24:

"Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.'

Knowing they had done something that someone else was angry about (a minor thing- but it had ticked off this guy)- they went to be reconciled.

They weren't exactly greeted like the Prodigal son returning. The guy had apparently made it pretty clear that he was annoyed, had held onto his annoyance for a good while now and, dammit, was going to keep hold of that annoyance!

Our friend was now having a dilemma. They were convinced that, basically, they were doomed now because they were 'unforgiven'. They'd told God about it- and asked for God's forgiveness. But they were convinced that, as far as they were concerned, there was now a big burly bouncer (try saying that 5 times really fast!) at the Pearly Gates, who was going to scowl at them and say "Nah- someone's not forgiven you.You're name's not down, so you're not coming in."

Sad, isn't it? How many people are carrying unnecessary burdens because they've got hold of an idea that simply isn't of God's making. It makes me wonder what ideas I've got that are a bit screwy.

Mesdames et Messieurs, I give you today's reading from 'Not-the-Gospels'

'And behold, a man said unto Jesus, "Lord, I have done as you have said. At the altar, I didst remember that I have wronged my neighbour and I went at once to make my peace with him. I confessed my wrongs."

Jesus replied, "Verliy, I say unto you, that is good. What sayest thy neighbour?"

The man sayeth, "Lord, my neighbour telleth me that I am a ratbag that cannot be trusted. Well, actually, Lord, he useth a stronger term than that- but I'm not repeating it in front of thee!"

"What exactly is thy problem?" sayeth Jesus.

"Though I have confessed my sin against him- and am sorry from my heart, he doth tell me to shoveth off and doth not want to know."

And Jesus sayeth, "Well, that is thy tough luck, my friend."

The man crieth "But, Lord, I have truly repented. I am not the man I once was. I have poured out my heart in repentance before this man and before the Lord God!"

And Jesus didst shruggeth and say "Yea, verily, I get that- but as he hath decided that his unforgiveness is more powerful than God's forgiveness, there's not much I can do about it! Sorry, but until he cometh round you'll have to wallow in thy sins. The Lord God will have to change his mind and hold back on the forgiveness until thy neighbour doth decide that thou aren't a ratbag."

And Jesus didst put a hand sorrowfully on the man's shoulder and sayest unto him "...and I know thy neighbour- and boy, doth he know how to bear a grudge. Thou mayest be in for a loooooong wait, pal!"

An Attitude of Gratitude...most of the time, anyway.

Spring has sprung like Tigger on a sugar high in my corner of the planet and it was faaaabulous this morning when I took the dog out. Being England, the glorious warm sun didn't last long and it's now a bit dim out there- but it was wonderful then. Walking down to one of the fields near my home, I couldn't help thinking of the verse 'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.' (Psalm 118: 24).

(Pretty, huh? It was a bit hazy, so the hills are bit 'subdued' This is a seriously 'Kentish' scene, by the way! Hills, farm, oasthouses.... I'm handing you a freakin' postcard, here, people!) 

Pretty soon the thinking turned to singing . Now, the dog doesn't mind that. She's used to it, she loves me and is very forgiving....plus I feed her, so she's learned to let some things slide. There I was in full 'This is the daaaaay that the Loooord has maaaaade....'  mode when I realised that a woman was overtaking me on the left flank. 

Damn.

It's very hard pretending that your full-on supposed private worship session was actually you speaking to your dog! There are some who'd say that it shouldn't matter; that it's a witness and who would probably quote verses at me about not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ.......

I'm not.

It's not the gospel I'm worried about- it's my singing. No-one needs to have that sort of audio assault when they're minding their own business on their way somewhere! Note to self- wait till you're off the pathways before caterwauling aloud.

But I digress......

In the fields, it was just lovely. 

Flowers...blossom, SPRING!!!!

Rosie enjoying a romp through the field- who cares about dewy, soggy paws, or the state of my coat when she gave a 'look how happy I am!' jump at me seconds later? Not Rosie, that's for sure. (Serves me right for crouching down to take the pic)

So- in the middle of the field, looking at scenery that the photos don't do justice to (and you'd get sick of me sharing ALL of them here!), I felt so, so grateful that I live so close to places where I can recharge my batteries and enjoy the peace in a busy life. It's one thing I actually do feel grateful for on a daily basis. We've lived in some tough old places. I know what it's like to be stuck in a bedsit in the middle of a city, or to live in a house where you can't relax because every minute you're waiting for the next stone to hit your window and dread coming home because you know something else will have been vandalised; where you worry how the local teens will try to hurt your kids THIS time when they go outside. 

As you can imagine, living here is a real blessing. It's one I don't take for granted- but it struck me today how many other things I do. It's easy to count the blessings when those blessings are a real answer to prayer- a whole change of life. But I'm guilty of forgetting the things that aren't so obviously brilliant. This could turn into a cliche- 'hey, count your blessings and be grateful for it all' post if I'm not careful- but I've kind of ended up challenging myself now to show God some gratitude for the crappy stuff too. Not because it's crappy- but because it played a part in me getting to the place where I can appreciate the good stuff in a way I may not have done otherwise. 

I knew that after my walk this morning, I'd physically pay for it. I don't have the best health in the world- and I was right- I ached like crazy and have had to dose up on pain relief. So I'm going to start with that.

 Thank you, Lord that I get to feel the pain. I hate it and I wish it wasn't there- but it is and right now, you're allowing me to feel it, so that means I've got to shut up and listen for once to what you're teaching me through it. And thank you that it's being in pain that makes me more determined to get off my butt and get out there because I refuse to feel sorry for myself and I refuse to let the pain and tiredness win. If I didn't make myself do this- I'd miss out on the beauty and restorative power of this world- my part of it- that you've made. I'd miss out on the opportunity NOT to take it for granted. 

It may not be a big theological truth- but it's my truth. Gotta develop more of that attitude of gratitude!